


Besides, ordering someone to be a Commander doesn't make them one.

by tofubbq



Category: Monster Hunter (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Depression, just a big ol angst writing piece, kinda just a self indulgent and maybe even a bit vent-y, the pressure of being a leader and all that jazz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:55:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23210575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tofubbq/pseuds/tofubbq
Summary: The Field Team Leader (reluctantly) takes a day off.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	Besides, ordering someone to be a Commander doesn't make them one.

Warm light trickled through the rafters, illuminating the interior of the cabin. Morning was starting to break, and he could already hear the sounds of activity picking up outside. Murmurs of conversation could be heard, along with the sound of wagon wheels creaking over every bump in the road. It was another day at the Commission’s research base in Seliana, full of busy work to be done. 

His mind was already running through a mental checklist of things to do, preparing himself for the day ahead. Ordinarily, he would’ve thrown the covers off his bed and stumbled through his morning routine before setting out to check on how everyone was faring, but his body wasn’t feeling so inclined. Perhaps it was the softness of the fur pelts against his skin that kept him from so much as moving from his spot, but he found himself unable to get out of bed, no matter how much he willed himself otherwise.

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and tried to find it in himself to get up. The entire base was counting on him to watch over them and to direct their work… and if there was ever any state of emergency, he was the first person they’d turn to for guidance. He couldn’t just laze about all morning and ignoring them - not only would that be irresponsible, but potentially endangering their lives and putting the whole research base at risk. Without a leader, they would stand very little chance against any of the threats that lurked just beyond their barricades. And who knew how long those would stand, if they weren’t properly maintained and looked after? Someone would have to be in charge of checking those, and to repair it if need be, and…

The list went on. What was a normally difficult yet manageable duty was bogged down by sudden realizations. Sure, it wasn’t an easy task to keep up with everyone he had to keep track of every day or every small detail he had to worry about, but he’d surely been fine… right? It wasn’t as though the first night he’d gotten any sleep was last night… or- wait, when was the last time he’d had a proper night’s rest? Had he even set foot in his cabin for a week? Two weeks? How many times had one of the hunters shaken him awake at the council’s table, giving him a concerned look and asking if he’d eaten that day?

With every question he asked himself, it felt like his muscles grew heavier by another pound. There was no way he was getting out of bed that morning, and yet he had to. It was a conundrum that he ultimately resolved by rolling over and burying his face deep into his pillow. By the Sapphire Star, he was a mess, and not even a hot one.

The Field Team Leader let out a long groan. Though, he didn’t know if he could even call himself a leader at the moment.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d had his face buried in his pillow until a rap on his door jolted him from his thoughts.

“Hey, Field? You awake?”

It was, without a doubt, the Excitable A-Lister who’d come to check up on him. Of course, he expected someone would, considering most people would notice very quickly if he wasn’t at his post in the morning dishing out orders as he always did. Still, he had trouble finding his voice to reply.

“I’m… yeah, sorry, I’ll be up in a few minutes.” He hated the way his voice wavered as he spoke, just as shaky as he felt. 

“Uh, are you feeling okay?” Way to cut to the chase. “Y’know, if you need to take the day off…”

“No, no, I’m getting up.” He sighed, wincing as he strained to pull himself into a sitting position. As the blankets fell away from him, the cool air rushed over his sweaty, tired body, almost in a refreshing manner. On the other hand, however, it made him want to turn over and head right back to sleep. 

Seconds passed. And those seconds turned into minutes. It didn’t take long for the Excitable A-Lister to process what was going on.

“Hey, man, no pressure, alright? Just take a break for today, and we’ll take care of things for you this time. It’s no big deal, so don’t sweat the big stuff. But let us know if you need anything done, got it?”

The Field Team Leader only managed a feeble response in return. Thankfully, the hunter had taken it as a yes, and the sound of receding footsteps soon signalled his leaving. 

Then he was alone once more with his thoughts.

Did he… really just ask for a day off of work? Sure, the other members of the research base took time off all the time, and it was essential. Especially for the hunters, for being strained or stressed out in the field could mean life or death in their line of work. It was a normal thing, and yet why did he feel so guilty about it? 

He had to be out there, issuing commands and providing guidance for the others. He was a leader, and his job was to, well, lead. It was in the job description, for crying out loud. What kind of leader just left his post unattended without prior warning or anything beforehand? A bad one, that was who. Now, he had to get up and get changed, and get out there and back to his post-

And yet, his exhausted body protested. With every movement, it felt like a creaky, unoiled machine trying to move another inch of its metal body. It was as if every bruise, every scrape and bump had suddenly decided to magnify their pain and make themselves known, unrelenting in their torment against his body. He slumped back down in his bed, his legs tangled up in the blankets that were now strewn across the mattress.

He didn’t want to take the day off. No, it wasn’t a matter of wanting - he just couldn’t. He could almost see his grandfather’s disapproving face in his mind, shaking his head. 

Not good enough.

Think of the Commission. The entire research base. The cause was much bigger than any one singular person, and that’s why they all had to work together to make it happen. Even if things were beginning to calm down now, there was still a whole entire world out there that was still being discovered. Their efforts was still quite, so very small, compared to all the land had to offer to them. It was selfish, self-centred to be thinking of himself right now. 

He closed his eyes. 

It wasn’t even so much the Commission or the research base itself that he really even cared about. It was everyone’s honest efforts and hard work that he loathed to see go to waste, and not to mention, all of their well being. Even if he’d much rather focus on their safety and making sure everyone was okay, there were goals to be met and work to be done. And he was the one to make it happen.

Again, his gut tugged at him to move. And yet again, he couldn’t.

Besides feeling like a complete failure, he probably looked like one as well. It wasn’t something he could hide anymore - others were beginning to comment on it as well. The bags under his eyes. His tendency to nod off, much like his master, without much indication. Even if he were to get out of bed and get back to work, he wasn’t going to fool anyone with an energetic act or anything. 

He was tired, and he needed a break. A day off. Or maybe even more than a day at that.

**Author's Note:**

> More or less an experimental fic, to see if I can get the hang of writing in the world of Monster Hunter, and also trying to feel out some characterization. Haven't written in a while, so I'm a bit rusty. Definitely considering writing more on the Field Team Leader and my hunter OCs, though very headcanon-y heavy. We'll see!


End file.
